You’ve probably happened on the popular cache phrase, “I have found my man BUT I need my girls”.

We can all agree that gal pals are essential in the life of every upwardly mobile, twenty-first-century female. The benefits of this class of people cannot be overemphasized. Girlfriends give beauty tidbits, drop hints on where to get the best hair for a fairly reasonable price, call you at 2am to share their boyfriend problems and are always there cheering you along the sidelines of life. They also love you unconditionally, seem to hate the same people as you (or pretend to, at least), are interested in a large number of things that you are in too, spill the much-needed information as to which stores are on sale and provide the best company for bonding.

And with bonding comes the best part. # Ladies Night Out

Over the past few years, I’ve kept a string of dates with my girlfriends — dates which we intended to be just about us. So, over  Martinis and tiramisu, we make deliberate efforts to remain true to our friendship. And while we gave quick updates about the men in our lives, they (our girly dates) were never intended to be about the male folk.

Until actual men drop in and try to interrogate the motives as to why three or four women are sitting by themselves with no guys in sight. And they’d say it like it was a capital offense! I have no issue with that quite frankly — boys would always be boys. But I have major issues with the fact(s) that;

1. They don’t try to leave when you explain in clear terms that, “This is a girl-only sort of thing”.

2. They still don’t try to leave when you don’t even grace their inquisition with a response.

3. And the sore losers among them try to rubbish your girly assembly when they finally understand that they were not invited to the party and party crashers aren’t welcome.

If trying to meet someone was a hurdle, not trying to meet anyone must be the whole race, going by the look of things.

Because, while there are a truck load of personality types (the good, bad, ugly and everything in-between) while you’re out trying to meet someone, the personalities that show up when you’re not trying to meet anyone almost only show up from hell.

ALWAYS!

In my experience (and those of my girlfriends), the perpetual offenders are classified thus;

The Poet:

Say hello to the whack guy with the lame flows. But in his head, he’s really killing it! He goes on and on usually with a very straight face. I normally picture his eyes closed so that on opening them, the rest of us on the table are like…

ladies night out

 

ladies night out

The Boaster:

This one is a constant name-dropper. He’s personal buddies with a lot of celebrities (never mind if they’re F-grade), is a member of several, elitist clubs and imports all his liquor from France. As nothing else is suitable enough for his matured palate.

They most likely have an exaggerated sense of themselves.

A version which really is existent only in their heads, of course. They tend to talk a lot and are prone to circumlocution. But one trait they all have — they never seem to remember the lies they told before, because everything they say after that isn’t just consistent with the theme.

The Clingy One: 

With this one, I can’t. This one irritates me to the gods. This is the one who just has to touch you, hold you or have some form of physical contact with a female he only just met!

Understand, I am no advocate for violence — but these people make you want to smash the tequila bottle somewhere on the table on their heads and then throw up your hands in resignation like…

tumblr_m182lq7Izv1rrx588o1_250

The Jester:

He’s the one with a scathing tongue. The one whose words get to you and you have no idea why. He probably got fired from the circus when he got too cocky.

tumblr_inline_mn5ul7erxy1qz4rgp

The Drunk: This one is pretty self-explanatory, wouldn’t you agree?

or…

Yeah, so not cool.

Are there any offenders reading this?

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